And everything is...

Yes, I tried, maybe not as hard as I could but I did try, and what left to me? Regrets? A sensation of failure?

Things comes around and life is a rollercoaster, but a crazy one, because you hardly realize when you're on the top, but you're constantly reminded when you're on the bottom of it.

If I could get back in time, maybe I'd do everything like I did, or just a few changes, but I don't know how to get rid of it, even if I think twice I'd still make the same decision two times.

Last Days

Torment!!!
Your soul screm for mercy.

Agony!!!
You know you are guilty.

Torture!!!
You’re slave of your sins.

Your mind is stuck, 4 walls of insanity, you’re not able to get away, you’re just waiting for your last days, spoiling, starving, you’re crying, you’re dying and you think no one can heal this pain inside.

Guilty

The taste of your blood still remains, my dirty clothes indicate that I recently buried your body, a strange possession of mind, a devil inside, an extremely evil strength in my hands and you’re gone, but I no regret, I understand my guilt, I know it was madly insane, but if I could do I would do everything again, I’d kill the fear and shame once for all.

Crimes, illusions ... insanity

“There’s no surrender without fight” that is what I use to think, but sometimes your “demons” inside don’t need to struggle, maybe they just need to wait for the right moment to flood the “hell” out of your life, maybe they are just obtaining enough power to get out. When this day comes, there’s nothing you can do, this is when your nightmares come true, because you don’t fear what people can do for you, but what kind of things you can do under the possession of evil, sometimes it’s just an excuse to do what in your deep inside you want to do. In my case I still don’t know, the bodies and blood were so real, I could swear I washed away a blood stain, I could swear I saw you claiming for another chance, I could swear I got that axe …. but everything is too cloud in my mind, that’s why I put chains to hold myself, I need to make sure if I really killed you….love.

Taking control...

Woke up in a place I do not know, listening voices seeing nothing but someone crawling, he looks like me, I run to see his face and there’s no eyes in it, he’s claiming my name and I hold his hand, he grabs my head as if could still all my memories….i lie on the ground….getting unconscious again….. Now I’m crawling and I cannot see nobody, the fake me stole my eyes….. stole my life..he took the control.

Insomnia

Insomnia is killing me day by day and I cannot get rid of it, my time is getting even shorter, my mind is sick, it seems there’s no chance for me, because all my hope is gone and I know that certainly madness has caught me, my cries of agony can’t be heard, I’m stuck in something as a prisoner with chains all around me.

Me, My Shadow and My Monster

Not so cold, 

not so dark,

but a dense frightening feeling controlling my mind.

Things becoming gray, 

it’s like a black & white movie; 

and now I can’t define the colors,

but I see my shadow on the floor, 

it’s so different,

taking another form, 

crossing the line of abstract, 

I can see it looking at me,

even it has no eyes, 

but something in the other side is hunting me,

calling me … saying “I am the monster that you’ve created".

Changes

Imagine if one day when you looked in the mirror you could see in the other side someone not only a reflex but  a real repetition of yourself, this other person only looked like you but his attitudes were completely different, all your skills were his weakness and all his skills were your weakness. How could be this one? If you could change place and let this other one assume your life would you do that because this other one would be better than you?

Life is like that

    When the time is passing by you realize that your life is a sequence of repetitive actions that most of them you'd like to forget.

Sick Mind

A strange noise was heard outside, maybe a gunshot or a painful screaming of a miserable soul. I’m sitting on my armchair in my apartment, drinking a whiskey with no ice, doing something to kill my agony, trying to shut up the voice of my conscience that accuses me every day.  That noise was so unfair breaking  into the night, tearing the silence, a noise so clear I could swear it didn’t came from outside, smelling a coughing   smoke, sitting on my armchair in my apartment, in one hand a cup with your blood in the other  hand a gun …. It is so clear now, I loved you so much I couldn’t resist, now I can see your head everyday on the wall of my apartment.

Take a look around you

           Sometimes when we look for solution this hunting drives us crazy, blind us and makes us so stupid that most of the times the solution is so close, but we try to punish ourselves and we create the solution of a problem that we also created. We don't believe we can have easy answers to our problems, the other ones everything is easier, but we don't take a look around ourselves to see our possible solution... maybe the solution is you...

Who are you?

    These days here in Brazil people go crazy about carnival, they usually celebrate a great party lots and lots of drinks and sex for 5 days, but in the end, when you back home, turn on the tv and the blood and lives wasted during these days, and you did a great contribution for that, may you say "I like enjoying my life and there's nothing wrong", or "police officers were there and i didn't kill anyone". You killed the chance to say a big STOP to this kind of politics where they don't care about us, where you only see police officers on the street during the carnival, where you see ambulances all the time but when you need they never get you, where money is wasted easily and our education is a chaos... who are you that judge yourself a critic to the politicians but contribute a lot to them keep doing the same they were doing .... NOTHING